At 52 I am really pissed off that aging — a thing that happens as soon as we take our first breath — is such a big deal! Why does a large part of our population struggle with aging?

Considering that the average lifespan in the early 1900s was 49, and now it’s 77, perhaps old age is a more recent phenomenon. Thanks to modern technology and medical advances, we have an easier life compared to our ancestors. A hundred years ago when the average person was dying by age 50, wrinkles were a badge of honor displaying wisdom and earning respect for a life long-lived.

My first signs of aging appeared as a growing colony of spider veins and brown spots that surfaced after years of sun damage. Witnessing these skin tone imperfections sent me running to the nearest celebrity dermatologist for a quick fix. Six months and $1,200.00 later, those spider veins and brown spots reappeared. Don’t they know I paid good money to banish them forever?

I revisited that famous dermatologist insisting the procedures did not work. She said, “Staness don’t you know? You have begun your journey chasing youth.” What? I have no intention of chasing youth, just fix it so I can move on with my life as I was — young with perfectly clear, tight skin.

A few martinis later, I decided to cover up those spider veins and brown spots with a spray on tan. Living in Los Angeles this is a perfectly acceptable treatment. Ahhhh, with just one spray tan session for $36.00 I felt much better with those brown spots and spider veins artificially covered. But, this trick only lasted a few months. Self-tanning is a time consuming job with sketchy results. This last ditch effort to conceal brown spots and spider veins, left orange evidence around my elbows, fingers, and ankles. Now what?

When the elasticity of my skin started to relax, the anti-aging battle seemed hopeless. I was now wearing a permanent suit styled with a draping midsection, accessorized with paisley spider veins, and finished off with a set of droopy boobs and a deflated tush to match. It wasn’t pretty! An aging alien was trying to squeeze into my body and take over.

Keeping up with aging was a full time job without any benefits. My self-esteem was being tested daily. No one prepares us for this transition of fading youth.

Thou shalt not lose your youth and beauty in Los Angeles. Breaking this unwritten commandment can contribute to job-related age discrimination, result in a divorce or secure a spot in the never-married line.

Men and women in Los Angeles have an unusual attraction to altering their looks, and demanding flawless skin. They are willing to give up their human right to have natural expressions by electively going “under the knife.” We have many versions of Angelina Jolie living in Los Angeles with perfectly plump lips, high check bones, full breasts and tight butts. People in their 20s, 30s and 40s casually chat about who did their implants, and where to get the best price for Botox injections.

Don’t get me wrong, having surgical and non-surgical cosmetic options available can change someone’s life for the better. A nose job can promise better self esteem, removing a scar can boost confidence, and reconstructive procedures can give hope after devastation.

Botox, fillers, and plastic surgery can relax, plump or pull a wrinkle out of existence – temporarily. These technologies can be helpful, but don’t depend on them to deliver everlasting youth.

Personally, I refuse to rely on cosmetic procedures to cling onto my youth. It was time to investigate how the beneficiary of youth — beauty — was defined in my life.

Growing up an Air Force brat, we moved almost every year. I learned at an early age that if I was the helpful girl, not the pretty girl, I had friends. My worth was not defined by my looks. That changed when I moved to Los Angeles where beauty was a cloak of power. When that cloak wears out after years of use, people will do anything to keep it looking youthful.

Do I miss my youth? Yes, a little now, probably even more later. I miss having joints that don’t ache when I exercise. I miss the ease of not working hard to be healthy. I miss the days my purse was not full of reading glasses. I miss the cheaper health insurance. But, those inconveniences are nothing compared to knowing who I am.

I feel some sadness as my youth leaves center stage and a more wrinkled version of myself claims the spotlight. In another decade I become an official cast member of Cocoon. Fortunately with good nutrition, exercise, and a few beauty products my aging process will hopefully be a graceful one.

The good news — I am not alone. According to the 2005 U.S. Census report, by 2030 there will be 72 million Americans aged 65 or older. That is more than double the 35 million in 2000. Our population is getting older.

If the youth of America sees a generation of baby boomers ashamed to age, what message does that send? Twenty year olds are having Botox parties, plumping their lips and changing their body shape. Is this obsession with body altering the result of our fear of aging?

We see our local newscasters come back from vacation “refreshed” with tighter skin, and that wide-eyed surprised look. Networks pressure newscasters to stop aging after 40, studios hire the 20 and 30 year-old actors for the lead parts, and magazines completely retouch their covers and editorial spreads.

Why are we not obsessing about being older and wiser? I applaud Kaiser Permanente for having the right attitude in their commercial campaign When I grow up I want to be an old woman.

Mother Teresa spent her life dedicated to helping the poor and helpless. Do people look at her and say, “Check out those wrinkles, that girl needs some Botox?”

As I try to make peace with my own signs of aging, it was challenged when I visited a dermatologist for an irritating skin condition and at the end of the appointment the doc said, ” I can make you look 10 to 15 years younger with some Botox and fillers.” Ouch, I thought I looked OK. After the blood from my face started flowing back to the rest of my body, I proudly said, “I love my wrinkles, dammit!”

After our 40s and 50s aging isn’t necessarily pretty. Can there be beauty in age? Most definitely. Those permanent crinkles between my eyebrows are the result of fun times in the sun riding horses and sailing boats. The lines that cradle my eyes are a reminder that I have had a life full of smiles. I invite those surprise lines in my forehead to stay forever. They remind me of the unexpected moments I learned great lessons.

When I was 10, anyone over the age of 30 was ancient. When I was 30, anyone over the age of 50 was a dinosaur. Now that I am in my 50s, being 60 isn’t looking so bad.

These days I am committing my life to things more important than wrinkles. Maybe the only one who cares about my wrinkles is moi. Maybe the only one who cares about your wrinkles is you. Maybe it is time to get on with things that really matter.

Do I love my wrinkles? I am trying to, dammit!

References

Speroff, L. and M.A. Fritz. Clinical Gynecologic Endocrinology and Infertility. Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins; 2005.

In with the new, out with the old

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them at? Well lately – NOT ME!

With the list of menopause symptoms getting longer each month, now my make-up is making me look older. The one time in my life that I want to “hide” behind a full face of make-up hoping age won’t find me, just isn’t working any more. The fine lines on my face and neck are just getting deeper, no thanks to the lower levels of estrogen in my body. Applying make-up and light powder just makes the lines just look worse. It has gotten so bad that my husband suggested I not wear make-up at all. This story has a happy ending, and it doesn’t involve going to a plastic surgeon. Theresa, a dear friend and beauty consultant, suggested exfoliation. Once I started a weekly program of exfoliation, I immediately looked years younger.

Every 28 days skin renews itself leaving your skin with a fresh layer of baby cells. As we get older this shedding process, called desquamation, slows down leaving us with fine lines, dry areas and an uneven skin texture. Make-up can really accentuate this dilemma.

Exfoliation stimulates new cell growth by removing the cells your body is no longer shedding. It helps your body with the desquamation process by stripping the dead epidermal cells on the outer surface of your skin and exposing a fresher layer of living cells. It takes a few days for a noticeable amount of dead cells to accumulate. It is best to exfoliate once or twice a week. You don’t want to irritate your skin or remove healthy living cells by doing it daily.

Benefits of Exfoliation

• Removes the top layer of dead cells, so the cells turn over at a faster rate revealing softer, smoother skin
• Improves the texture of your skin
• Helps reduce fine lines and wrinkles
• Un-clogs pores
• Makes your skin look healthier, fresher and more radiant
• Gives your skin a good base to absorb moisturizers and other skin products
• Boosts your circulation from the friction

Exfoliation can benefit the skin on your face, around your lips, neck, elbows, knees and feet. Lately I have noticed the skin on my heels starting to crack and the skin on my elbows seems thicker. This dilemma has improved as a result of exfoliating. For those of you who love self-tanning, exfoliation will be your new best friend. It is a great technique to blend around the feet, elbows and knees.

There are three different exfoliating methods.

Manual
Chemical
Enzyme

Manual exfoliation is moved across your skin’s surface using your fingers or buff puff. You are removing the dead cells by scraping off the top surface with physical friction. Many manufacturers use natural products such as seeds, apricot pits, or crushed oyster shells as the ingredient that causing friction. Some products use round beads or poly spheres that can be easier on the skin.

Chemical exfoliates are a topical bio engineered ingredient that can dissolve the glue like substance that holds the dead cells together. Most chemical exfoliates use either Alpha Hydroxy Acids or Beta Hydroxy Acids. This type of exfoliation is applied to the skin then rinsed off. You do not “scrub” to enjoy the benefits. The “chemical” does the work.

Enzymes work by dissolving the dead tissue. The enzymes are molecules that catalyze chemical reactions of other substances. The product is applied then washed off. You do not manually “scrub” your skin. The enzyme does the work for you.
You have three choices: manually scrub off the dead cells, dissolve the glue like substance that holds the dead cells together with chemicals or dissolve the dead tissue with enzymes. They all work equally well. I prefer to exfoliate manually because it feels good to scrub my face.

I was absolutely amazed at the results of such an inexpensive and simple process. Not only is my facial skin benefiting, but my elbows and feet are too. Exfoliation is my new anti-aging weapon.

The Hollywood AFTER photo shoot!

Finally the day arrived! Judy, Lisa and Elyssia, all recipients of a free Menopause Makeover by Staness Jonekos, had their big Hollywood AFTER photo shoot! It was a day of pampering provided by American Idol photographer, Michael Becker (aka my hubby), American Idol make-up artist Mandy, and hair stylist Danai. And to top it off, an on-line mail-order catalogue focusing exclusively on the needs of women over 40, AsWeCHANGE.com, generously contributed swimsuits and cute wraps for this special occasion.

While Judy, Lisa and Elyssia were busy with their Menopause Makeovers, I decided to set new goals and do my own menopause makeover again. Sporting our new girlish figures, Michael made us feel like celebrities in front of the camera.

As you know, putting on a swimsuit, and parading around a photo studio in front of strangers is no easy task! But we were all feeling great! Everyone mastered the Menopause Makeover Food Pyramid and lost a total of 75 pounds! We lost 53.5 inches combined! Not bad for a bunch of menopausal gals?!

Everyone started at an unhealthy weight, and in 12 weeks reached a normal weight according to the BMI (body mass index) chart. Check your BMI, click here.

The Menopause Makeover is not just about weight loss. Although living on the 8-step, 12-week plan will promise weight loss if you need it, it is most importantly about regaining control over menopause symptoms and health concerns. The Menopause Makeover embraces that we are all different, and each of us will have treatment options unique to her.

It was exciting to witness Judy, Lisa and Elyssia’s incredible transformations! They each made a commitment to the Menopause Makeover that changed their lives!

Conquering menopause symptoms, managing weight, and boosting self-esteem are possible during menopause!

We’d like to toast to that!

Check out Elyssia, Judy and Lisa’s sensational before and after shots and read about their journey on The Menopause Makeover, click here.

If you want to order a fabulous sexy and flattering swimsuit from AsWeChange.com, click here.

Shopping for a new outfit can be frustrating when your body is changing as fast as your hormones and designers are focusing on younger smaller woman.

For the past year I have been hiding my disappearing waistline with baggy clothes. With my body fat shifting to my belly, it’s time for a shopping spree. With my new larger body measurements I quickly learned what styles were flattering on real women.

Click here then page 3 to purchase these flattering outfits.

Flattering Styles

TOPS
With an increasing waistline, longer length tops and jackets that sit lower on your hips create a “longer” line. A top that sits at the waistline will accentuate an area you wish to diminish. Make sure your top does not hit the largest area of your hips. The length should hit just below the waistline to mid-thigh. It is best to wear jackets open for a clean vertical line. V-necks, open collars, turtlenecks and wrap tops will bring the attention to your face.

Layering can create a comfortable and stylish look. If you are suffering with hot flashes layering will be your best friend. Be careful to layer properly. Too many bulky layers will only make you look bigger. Try a fitted camisole under a fun blazer or oversized sweater.

BOTTOMS
Whether your bottom has gotten bigger or dropped from age, an A-Line Skirt is a must in your new wardrobe. Not only will it flatter a fuller figure, the waist is fitted and flairs out so the smooth lines don’t show the problem areas. You can also wear a longer top without adding bulk at your waistline. You should wear an A-Line skirt at knee length. Try wearing a dark color for the skirt and a fun top with accessories to bring the attention to your face.

Pants are one of the hardest wardrobe items to buy. Even before menopause finding the perfect fitting pant was tough. But, pants can be flattering with a straight (if you are 5′4″ or shorter) or boot-cut leg (taller than 5′4″) with the waistline falling just below your natural waistline. Try solid darker colors to create a nice straight line. Do not buy pleated or tapered legged pants, these styles will only bring attention to your disappearing waistline and hips.  The jeans pictured, Not Your Daughters Jeans, are awesome!  They are comfy, give you a little support and very flattering –  menopause makeover approved.

DRESSES
Dresses look best when they are one-piece, not separates. They will elongate your body. The length should hit between your knees and mid calf. If you have great legs, show them. Choose a dress length just below the knee. If you have great cleavage, choose a neckline that celebrates your bust line. Accessories can bring the attention to the top half of your body. And for a dressy occasion, bare your shoulders and arms. If you are uncomfortable with your arms, cover them with a shear wrap or bolero jacket.

TIPS

Undergarment foundations are my newest discovery! I purchased an all-in-one shaper. I was firmer and my soft lumpy spots didn’t ruin the nice line in my outfit.

Know your best feature. If it is your legs, wear knee length dresses. If it is your bust, enjoy a plunging neckline. Whatever your special asset, this is the time to flaunt it.

If you are pear-shaped bring the attention to your upper body using style, color and accessories. If you are apple-shaped, show off those legs with shorter hemlines (around the knee) and sexy shoes.

Once you update your wardrobe, add a few sexy shoes, a fun handbag and accessories for day and nighttime.

Enjoy looking and feeling beautiful.